i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
two words...techno handjob
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
