found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
