Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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