I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
