I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
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