Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
