yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize