I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
