I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
