Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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