i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
