Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
