Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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