he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
