I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
