Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize