I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
