There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
