I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You were trust falling into bushes
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
