Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize