Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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