just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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