i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she smelled like a LAN party
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
