i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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