think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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