Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it was like having sex with a tree stump
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
