she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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