three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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