Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
