Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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