I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
