Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
After last night, I could never be a politician.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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