i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
