I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
