p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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