I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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