I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
