Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
there is glitter all over my balls
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
