speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
