If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
