I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
