I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
