Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
