Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
