i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
