I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
