I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
