your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize