is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize