So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
