Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
