Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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