I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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