Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
