I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
