It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
