Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
