I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
