I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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