His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
