dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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