Acid is not a monday night drug
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
