I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize