ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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