Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
