My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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