I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize