my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
