I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize