i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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