Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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